Selfish grief

I've heard it said - 'You just have to trust that wherever you are, is where you are meant to be.'
I really hope that is true; that my obsessive watching of crime television, mindless games of mahjong on the laptop, ceiling staring and living in my dressing gown, is where I am meant to be.


I can't help but feel that I am being selfish in my grief, that I am allowing myself an indulgence of wound-licking when there are others who have suffered more, are suffering more and will suffer more, than me.
But this is my grief and it's relevant to me and my life, so I need to experience it.
Along with my grief, I feel for mothers who have lost their children, parents whose children have gone too soon, or brutally.


My heart goes out to them and when I say a prayer for me, I say a prayer for them too.