Saturday, August 27, 2011

Happy Birthday, My Precious Child

It was eighteen minutes past six when you arrived. A crisp morning at the end of winter.
You didn't arrive kicking and screaming. It was quiet chaos. In hushed urgency the doctors and nurses resuscitated you. You made it. Then. In the end there was no chaos, just a quiet ending.

I miss you everyday, but especially today. I have to try not to think too much about the 'ifs and buts'. Lord knows I've fought hard to hang onto the last few shreds of sanity I still have, but sometimes, like unpleasant, unexpected guests, they do arrive and then I wonder - what if you were still alive? Where would you be in your life? And I wonder, what if you were here now....  I have to stop myself.

I talk to you. All the time. I remind you that you're still the eldest and need to keep an eye out for your brothers. I know you hear me.

I love you.


  1. Nics.... HUGE HUGS & KISSES COMING YOUR WAY. Thinking of you & keeping you, Jose & the boys in our prayers. Take care girlxxx

  2. My cuz, thinking of u. Its hard i know. He is there in spirit and will always be. Love u tons xxx

  3. I can't believe another year has passed so quickly. Thinking of you on the 27th, Nicky. Been thinking of Zane a a lot lately as another one of my ex pupils was in a bad accident and on a respirator for almost 2 weeks. She was critical but pulled through although still in hospital. Its been 4 weeks now.

    I often think of you and your family.

    lots of love and hugs,

  4. I just discovered your blog today. Do you ever consider still blogging?

    I've put together a site consisting of blogs/websites/videos/articles by and for bereaved parents:

    I started doing this because my 23 year old son died suddenly 18 weeks ago and I've been trying to figure out how to survive.

    I'd like to add your site, but I was wondering if you plan to write anymore.