Selfish grief

I've heard it said - 'You just have to trust that wherever you are, is where you are meant to be.'
I really hope that is true; that my obsessive watching of crime television, mindless games of mahjong on the laptop, ceiling staring and living in my dressing gown, is where I am meant to be.


I can't help but feel that I am being selfish in my grief, that I am allowing myself an indulgence of wound-licking when there are others who have suffered more, are suffering more and will suffer more, than me.
But this is my grief and it's relevant to me and my life, so I need to experience it.
Along with my grief, I feel for mothers who have lost their children, parents whose children have gone too soon, or brutally.


My heart goes out to them and when I say a prayer for me, I say a prayer for them too.

When The World Is Quiet

At night

When the world is quiet,

I sit alone

With my grief.

There is no mirror,

But we reflect each other.

My grief and me.

I sit alone

At night

When the world is quiet,

With my broken heart

And it’s missing pieces.

My chiselled soul

And my dead eyes stare

Back at me.

I sit alone

But I know out there somewhere

He’s watching me.