Who am I now?

I was the mother to four boys.

This is how I see it - I had a certain rank. I wore a spectacular mother uniform with 4 dazzlingly bright medals woven tightly to the front of my precious mother-garment. Then, one medal was crudely ripped away, leaving a big, gaping hole. Yes, the other three medals are still there, but one is missing. The first medal I ever received is gone.

So - what rank do I hold now? Who am I now? Have I gone from Captain to lowly crew member?
This isn't a piece to 'pick up' - this piece - this dazzling medal is gone, ripped from me and there is no way to mend, replace, redo. So what do I do instead? And what will become of me?