At night
When the world is quiet,
I sit alone
With my grief.
There is no mirror,
But we reflect each other.
My grief and me.
I sit alone
At night
When the world is quiet,
With my broken heart
And it’s missing pieces.
My chiselled soul
And my dead eyes stare
Back at me.
I sit alone
But I know out there somewhere
He’s watching me.
But we reflect each other - my grief and me. Hyphen for emphasis. I was left wondering about "my grief and me" after I read "...reflect each other." Better? Maybe? Nicola, sometimes is not the words, but the style of the sentences, then the stanzas, etc. If you want to sound like Peter Wilkin, may I suggest you write a few of his poem to copy his style, then re-write the poem using your own words - keep the same sentence, stanze structure, and don't worry about rhymes. I think you poems are very good - your own style. Yet, if it seems you aren't happy with it and need something more, then try what I meantioned. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteLiam www.rojerthat.com